Most feedback books train the giver. This one trains the receiver, which is where the bottleneck usually sits.
Stone and Heen separate feedback into appreciation, coaching, and evaluation, and show how much trouble comes from two people wanting different ones in the same conversation. Their three triggers — truth, relationship, identity — give a vocabulary for what happens in the ninety seconds when someone stops listening and starts defending.
The practical payoff is high for anyone running performance conversations. The book is longer than its argument requires, and the later chapters repeat.
Our Take
Stone and Heen show that feedback is a skill on both sides of the table and give us a clear vocabulary for it — appreciation, coaching and evaluation, and three triggers that explain why people stop listening. A book that helps performance conversations, starting with the person receiving the feedback.
Stone, D., & Heen, S. (2014). Thanks for the feedback: The science and art of receiving feedback well. Viking. Find it
